Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business! Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you'll rise and shine! Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?" A: "You can't tuna fish." Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"! Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk. Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits! Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel. Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together! Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogey in it! Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed. Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks. Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom? A: At the BP station! Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away? A: A taxi driver. Q: "How do you shoot a killer bee?" A: "With a bee bee gun." Q: How do you drown a Hipster? A: In the mainstream. Q: How do you make holy water? A: Boil the hell out of it! Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? A: It barked with de-light! Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A: A stamp. Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor? A: Because it had a virus! Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers! Q: What did the leopard say after eating his owner? A: Man, that hit the "spot." Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldozer! Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor? A: Because it was not peeling well Q: Why is England the wettest country? A: Because the queen has reigned there for years! Q: Why do fish live in salt water? A: Because pepper makes them sneeze! Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A: He wanted cold hard cash! Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite. Q: What is the best day to go to the beach? A: Sunday, of course! Q: What bow can't be tied? A: A rainbow! Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline? A: Spring time. Q: Where did the computer go to dance? A: To a disc-o. Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? A: The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew". Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital? A: To get a tweetment. Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A: A Clausterphobic Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? A: Ouch Q: Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? A: Because his friend said dinner is on me. Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head! Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? A: Because he had no-body to go with. Q: How do crazy people go through the forest? A: They take the psycho path. Q: What three candies can you find in every school? A: Nerds, DumDums, and smarties. Q: Why are pirates called pirates? A: Cause they arrrrr. Q: What do prisoners use to call each other? A: Cell phones. Q: Where do snowmen keep their money? A: In snow banks. Q: What washes up on very small beaches? A: Microwaves! Q: What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? A: The road! Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? A: The scientists were brainstorming! Q: Why did Tony go out with a prune? A: Because he couldn't find a date! Q: What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? A: Hi Cliff! Q: What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? A: Show me the honey! Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards? A: Because he was sitting on the deck! Q: Why did the traffic light turn red? A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street! Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator? A: I think I'm coming down with something! Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? A: Because then it would be a foot! Q: What has four wheels and flies? A: A garbage truck! Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? A: Post Office! Q: What did the blanket say to the bed? A: Don't worry, I've got you covered! Q: Why should you take a pencil to bed? A: To draw the curtains! Q: How many books can you put in an empty backpack? A: One! After that its not empty! Q: What kind of button won't unbutton? A: A bellybutton! Q: Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? A: Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels! 

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/schooljokes/kidjokes.html